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arsenicwaltzOnce upon a time, there was a little girl with wide brown eyes and lank brown hair, and an imagination full of hopes and dreams. As the little girl grew up, she was taught that nobody would value her corporeal self, and that she should focus on improving her mind. Craving attention, the little girl did so, spending hours and hours with her imagination and her eyes buried in books, completely neglecting her body. The little girl grew into a big girl, with dark eyes and a body made all of soft, unfinished curves, and the big girl was sad because she found that while her mind was by far her best feature, it was rarely noticed much less appreciated because of her outward appearance. So the big girl continued to live her life solely in her head, punishing her body when her inner turmoil was too great to bear.
Slowly, the big girl grew into a young woman, her curves hardening and diminishing under the onslaught of her unhappiness, until one day she caught the eye of a young man. Now this young man was very much unlike the girl, in that he lived most of his life in his body, and did not understand how vulnerable the girl was to him. His attentions startled and confused her, awakening parts of her she'd never learned to deal with, and when he left her, he left her wounded in more ways than one. While the girl had lived in her head for most of her life, she now craved the touch of bodies in ways she had no mechanism for coping with, and so, living in her mind and punishing her body, she learned to hide them, to squash them, to keep her shamefully uncontrolled desires secret from the world around her.
Unfortunately, she learned this trick a little too well.
Living in near-seclusion for nearly four years almost broke her entirely. Her weekends were spent trying to forget her isolation, and the loneliness that no number of casual touches could erase. Once, she found someone who awakened her imagination, her intellect, and her dreams as well as her body, only to find that he was only interested in the last part of the bargain. They parted on very poor terms. The girl went from relationship to relationship, never finding the full complement of what she needed, until one day...
The girl's pen stops here, as she struggles to find the words to ease the ache in her heart. There are none, nor does she expect that there ever will be. Regretfully, she puts down the pen, and pushes back from the desk she sits at, the brass casters of her chair sliding silently across the floor. She goes to the window of her study, pressing chilled fingers to even colder glass as she stares out into the night.
The glass fogs slightly with her breath. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I couldn't keep hiding it."
Slowly, the big girl grew into a young woman, her curves hardening and diminishing under the onslaught of her unhappiness, until one day she caught the eye of a young man. Now this young man was very much unlike the girl, in that he lived most of his life in his body, and did not understand how vulnerable the girl was to him. His attentions startled and confused her, awakening parts of her she'd never learned to deal with, and when he left her, he left her wounded in more ways than one. While the girl had lived in her head for most of her life, she now craved the touch of bodies in ways she had no mechanism for coping with, and so, living in her mind and punishing her body, she learned to hide them, to squash them, to keep her shamefully uncontrolled desires secret from the world around her.
Unfortunately, she learned this trick a little too well.
Living in near-seclusion for nearly four years almost broke her entirely. Her weekends were spent trying to forget her isolation, and the loneliness that no number of casual touches could erase. Once, she found someone who awakened her imagination, her intellect, and her dreams as well as her body, only to find that he was only interested in the last part of the bargain. They parted on very poor terms. The girl went from relationship to relationship, never finding the full complement of what she needed, until one day...
The girl's pen stops here, as she struggles to find the words to ease the ache in her heart. There are none, nor does she expect that there ever will be. Regretfully, she puts down the pen, and pushes back from the desk she sits at, the brass casters of her chair sliding silently across the floor. She goes to the window of her study, pressing chilled fingers to even colder glass as she stares out into the night.
The glass fogs slightly with her breath. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I couldn't keep hiding it."
